The Cockney Translater!

Evening fellow mugs.

Hope you enjoyed the show/panto. I didn't, I don't watch any of it, hence why my ideas are so far from most.

So now we prepare for Exodus, lol. Movement of Jah people, oh yeah!

It’s so beyond funny, so beyond reason. ‘Hell have no fury like a woman scorned’, he better be tough, which he isn’t, but you’re gonna find out you elected a privileged son, who is now gonna make such a fuckup of it all, unless the funders take over, then you’re Nazi Germany.

First idiot thing he does someone will start some proceedings or another.

Still now you can all get to stock piling or whatever hole diggers do.

Enough about the nutters.

I await my executive order, lol.

If you wanna know what a fellow New Yorker, thinks go ask bob, honest man.

To more important bollocks than that bollocks.

What inane shite shall we blurt out today?

How about staying with cash?

Also as we are going back in time, what with a new pair of iron knickers at number ten and an even bigger idiot obvious shill than Reagan in the fun house, sorry Whitehouse.

Just a few facts:

If a policeman for any reason sees you with over fifty pounds in cash, and he/she doesn’t think in his/her stereotypical view that you should have it, it will be taken, you may also be arrested.

But if you don’t get arrested, they can still take the money.


So, where does that leave the banks? Why do they have cash machines that deal out 250-500 bucks a day?

If you went to your bank, and for whatever reason took 250 pounds in cash out of the hole in the wall every day, and a police car was standing in the same spot for whatever reason...

You are a suspected criminal, they have enough right there to ask you to come with them.

Then, you, have to prove why you have this cash.

Ever tried to explain to a bank lackey why you don’t trust them anymore?

It’s fun watching them go into buffering mode at your words, until they say, ‘does not compute’ and go into stormtrooper.

Then they commit bigger crimes restraining you as you are assaulted or worse, but about 40% of you either from cowardice, self preservation, apathy and class status etc. will never experience it.

You will make sure your attire matches the current dress code for robots, but woe betide those who have a flair for the avant-garde, the unusual, or just don’t think this is even close to human behaviour.

The banks of course are nothing to do with it.

They will continue to peddle the drugs, in illegal amounts.

Or just won’t give you your money and report you themselves, zealous wanky clerks punish customers this way daily, it’s like gobbing in ya soup after you sent it back... lol.

Don’t piss off the bank; you might get a lesson in how free you are!


The police are very efficient tho, unlike the checkouts at diy stores, the police are like, slick rick from hackney wick, getting you to the checkout.

If you have a pesky lawyer, then you don't get charged with any crime (as there wasn't one committed) they then keep the money,

Oh yes.

No crime,


You still have to prove why you have that money.

Also they inform you as there is no criminal prosecution, this is now a civil matter. That’s to stop the less fortunate from getting legal aid.

They did that (removal of legal aid for civil cases) a few years back to stop all the frivolous cases prisoners were bringing against kangaroos (screws), all six of them in the last five years, the rest were proved. Hmmmm.

So cash is a crime.

But it’s not, if you have a "Saville" row suit.

It’s decided by a policeman (inland revenue enforcer) on the side of the road, thru their amazing NLP training at Hendon, as to whether your appearance demeanour and if you are wearing a suit, are white, erm and all that other racist/fascist shit you're taught by the training college.

All quiet under the radar, cos there’s some coconuts watching. With titshaped heads, the very very confused brothers (oh yeh you’re trying from the inside I know, I know, xx)

Then, when you get to court, you can’t afford a lawyer because they have all your money, oh yes, didn’t I mention, if you had more money elsewhere for whatever reason, they will come get that to.

Where does that leave the wall safe crew, oh silly me, yeah, the police don’t get to them, they are up a drive in behind the gate, in the "nice" area.

So you, are skint, you are left with the onus on you to prove the impossible, you can’t afford a lawyer,

And you will not be afforded one, because it’s civil.

Good eh!

They’re making a fucking fortune! A fucking fortune, and lying about how it’s obtained.

Lying to the courts and lying to the punters about why they do it, yes some real wankers get nicked, like child traffickers, oops oh no, they don’t get nicked, my bad, well, like well, actually it’s all just petty crims, poor people and the odd weed dealer, sure they tell you it’s all real horrible fuckers, but it ain't, go fucking look at the figures. Oh but good luck finding them... I tell you what, go ask your police chief who works for you, how much he made last month and the list of the serious crims that did the dastardly deed, if there was one.

That’s democracy in action,

Now it’s going to get interesting, soon...

But we will get to that.

If anyone in the authorities would like to debate remonstrate with me about my interpretation, please contact me via the email.

Be aware, I have a publish all attitude, so everything you send me will be here... within the hour and no, I won’t consult a lawyer as to my legal stance. I will just put it up, as you are a public servant and your actions should be public, when dealing with the public about a matter of policy.

So no gag orders, wankers.

I’m just some mug, Joe Shmoe.

I mean, it’s all above board eh!

So debate's good, innit?

Now what else about money? Erm,

Oh yes,

In this country Eggland, we are very proud of our fair traditions and gentlemanly conduct,

We are so proud of it, that we go all round the world promoting our FairPlay and such, ya know, cricket old boy.

Only that is all bollocks,

Like so many things,

Let’s look at it another way, above reproach attitude.

When silver spoon wanker (A) goes on a jaunt on daddy's money to dig up a dinosaur, back in the 18-1900s.

He gets back to the all powerful natural history crew,

They fiddle with all the bits of bones, trying to put the puzzle together.

Now if you or me were doing that prehistoric 3D puzzle,

and not wearing our face off somewhere on a grindstone, when WE get to the point WE have more bits than body,

What would WE do?

Well I will answer for me,

I would find it extremely funny.

And after running around the natural history museum imitating various animals, dinosaurs, chasing my compadres about, with the bits of bone for horns, I would calm down, have a cup of tea.

Then say to anyone that was waiting for us, would you like to come in if you have an interest?

As we have too many bits, so something’s not right.

Now I’m not saying you would do that, also I’m presuming you’re as honest as you can be in life,

I’m just saying that is what most, most people do when faced with a situation such as...

Just giving the poor old lizard a fonzi pair of thumbs up, would just be a joke for a bit, it’s still there today (I think)

Fucking lying shameful tossers,


Now there are many scenarios we could put this criticism into.

But my point still remains,

Money and privilege, stature and family, position and importance,

Office and responsibility,

Do not guarantee honesty.

Oh heavens,

The shock of it all, lol.

Not only that!

The fact is, it actually promotes dishonesty, because if you’re an idiot, people see it. (Some of you know that first hand)

You will be separated from all the above, by your wing-mates.

Oh yeah, "your ilk” to use a phrase, used to describe me and mine many times, by some jumped up prick with a suit and a wig on (stupid wig in court, even stupider outside) in the past.

What is it with old guys n wigs, I mean it looks weird if you see a ninety year old with a full head of hair, most do the Bill-option or the Simon-sweep-over to conceal, is that honest? Anyway, that’s not the point.

Ergo Ego.

England is one of the most corrupt and criminal places on earth.

It’s just all accompanied by the right paperwork.

If you’re new money, someone will be along to coach you very shortly

On the 'ins'n'outs'.

So don’t worry new millionaires, there’s a program waiting,

I would call it a feeding station, a shark pool, but you will be told it’s the fair market, lol.

The trading floor, lol.

Small business is the enemy of centralisation; hence "job creators" is the mantra now.

And not the eighties and nineties mantra of promote small business.

That made all sorts of annoying shits out of ordinary peeps, can’t have that, get 'em in shit jobs instead, on the death grip.

In unison, overnight, they all stopped saying one thing and started saying another.

It’s called "trending" now!

Behind closed doors it’s called "bending"

Now I know you know I'm coming with something,

And you’re fuckin right I am.

Unfortunately, I have to be a bit cagey, as I’m in a mine field wearing stilts, lol, bit like the "longshank crew" btw, you’re a wanker after all Richard. Live n learn eh. Missed ya wagon son. Free too.

Later, when I've finished dancing on the alligator.