The Cockney Translater!

Morning electronic window wankers, what’s app?

The pervy engine in disguise.

Yes ladies, if your hubby has whatsapp you better check whatsup, lol.

It’s funny, I can talk to absolutely anyone I want whenever I want, in person, no app.

It’s called a telephone call.

Only not many people know what to do,

When faced with the reality of a real-time human,

No video, no need.

Far more energetic to have the voice alone.

It’s far more fun, you don’t talk as much shit, you certainly don’t call for no reason, even if the reason is to say I love or hate you, it’s still a reason...

A communication with energy.

Potent, not impotent.

I watched as everyone fell straight into the void of first text ridden, then verbal flatulence, I existed in that smelly world already.

I existed in a twilight world of misunderstandings and misadventure.

Having a foot in two worlds was interesting and weird at the same time.

While keeping quiet about how I obtained the contracts far above my status, I observed people doing the most confusing things.

After all if you say goodbye to a friend or family member, quite legitimately, and they don’t know you are going to stay in the area for a clandestine reason, you get to mistakenly observe them coming back into the area and doing some secret no-one-should-know stuff.

What do you do then?

It’s the weirdest thing, I can tell ya.

You’re stuck.

Then at a later date they say something that you know is a bald-faced lie.

It’s a hell of a thing.

I would like to say it was only one member, or even one friend, but when I realised the first few times, and the high esteem I held those people in, the shock led me to do my own weird thing, like they did.

I often thought how funny it would be if a totally uninterested person asked what I was doing.

The funny part, being totally candid with that person and watching their reaction.

It never happened until now.

Now I can talk freely to many people, it’s a blessed relief.

Now if anyone that is allowed near me asks me a question, I can just answer.

It’s like air.

For the first time.

On a cold sunny tornado less October morning.

I don't have to start the forced mental acrobatics that happen in a slither of a second, before answering.

No check list hurdling while speaking at the same time.

The upside of this is I get to use more of my very lonely brain.

I’ve found rooms I didn't know I had in my mental spark infested house, like the bell-free for instance.

I like bats.

If they are where they are supposed to be.

Still back to guarding your every word for a living.

Then not.

It’s great.

Thursday’s child is full of woe, is that right, nah.

Still it’s Thursday. Odd kinda day Thursday.

Did you know lots of banking is done on a Thursday?

Lots of people that work for banks, but not in the branch office, they run around today.

If it’s the last Thursday of the month, is it, I don’t actually know what Thursday today is, I suppose I should check. Maybe I will.


They take money in packets to all the people they need to.

Just imagine lots of civil servants running around stuffing wadded fifty pound notes into standing suited men’s open wide head leaned back mouths, gaping.

Then like some sort of snake they start to unlock their jaw and envelope it, guzzling it down with a final gulp, then continuing their persecution of others for doing the same thing.

So while jumping on and off the money go round I saw a lot of shit.

You get verwy good at knowing people do weird things.

You get verwy good at knowing when they’re going to.

A friend of a friend had epilepsy; she had a ‘Jack Russell’ dog that could tell when she was going to fit.

Before she could, or even had inkling.

I think it may have even been trained to do so, properly by someone cos it’s a phenomenon that exists.


I see you fuckers weeks before, and you fuckers know why.

I have been waiting to be threatened, I have not been disappointed.

I have waited for a physical assault, I have not been disappointed.

I have waited for removal of resources, I have not been disappointed.

What’s the point?

Well, here it is.

There were literally hundreds watching that wanted to prove my analysis of the situation wrong.

7 years ago, we started.

It took seven years to dump all your data.

Now, you are stuck.

You know my info has been written down and dispersed without any hope of retrieval.

What’s worse to your old allies?

That are of course now not your allies.

So what now?


Well no, cos of your own stupid religion you can’t kill me.

That would be a big prob eh.

I tell you what.

I will shut up.

That would be nice wouldn't it?



So I will stop fucking with your market.


What I will continue to do is give my slightly sideways look at what your marionettes are doing.

Such as:

If we could just ignore the monsters for a moment and get back to you guys watching.

The grey Dismay, the female aspect of the John Major-clone, is trying to get a few new things thru the gap left by the fear mongering, the racial tensioning, while spitfires fly over head doing their last barrel roles to brass band music..

Yeah her/it

She is after protecting the vulnerable from the troll.

She is trying to make sure that your address is safe from trolls.

A noble thing, something I feel strongly about (pants fiddling hacker trolls like you).

She wants it an offence to print anyone’s address on the web, amongst other things...

One of those other things is the NAMES of the persons.

She knows that soon, when all starts to come tumbling down (which is very very well prepared for) people will start wanting to know who exactly we owe all this electronic nonexistent unbacked debt too.

Cos quite simply, they won’t be owed it no more.

If their name is known, things will start going all sorts of different.

Hello Mr Trillionaire, we, that’s all us poor folk, all million of us standing outside your front door,

Well we would like very much for you to just be a multimillionaire, if you don’t mind.

Cos this will mean people can stop being murdered by hunger while we throw food away in your name.

We know, cos you’re a nice guy really and we saw you at all those charity events saying all those luverly things about the poor and their plight, so we know you is just gonna DO IT.

Cos you just didn’t realise eh.

Now for all that ball sack satisfying stuff to happen, we need a NAME and address.

So the Dismay needs to make that shit criminal to save us from the trolls that have been driving kids to suicide and gloating afterwards for years....

Now you need to stop it, NOW!

Come on people...

Grow your brains, stop paying your bills.



At home.

With a nice piece of paper that you printed out of your printer wirelessly.

So you don’t even need to get up when the swat team arrives, you can just point at the printer from your Oreo Island on the couch.


We will tell you what bills not to pay.

Who it hurts.

And why.

You sign up to not participate in their crime any longer.

You don’t need to worry about court.

It’s a civil protest on mass.

Because you can’t take a bank to court, you’re no one.

You can’t get legal aid to fight an unfair decision against the government.

So as of that moment you are no longer part of the legal system, as you do not have the means to partake.

Anyone that tries to speak against this needs their name taking.

For later eh.

Oooh, sweaty red and blue socks.

Just to be blunt for a mo...

I have seen 7 different scenarios.

In all it’s an experience.

But in some it’s very annoying if someone shouts from the crowd, don’t matter who, that is totally unimportant...

In fact the less established in hierarchy the better, it makes you vulnerable.

Yes if some git shouts out, in this way, boy does it go pear-shape.

Never thought I would see the day, but here we are.

And I just let the cat out the bag, it’s not so much what I’ve imparted, it’s more the feeling you’re feeling.